So, ‘WHO’ is against NOKIA? CNN!

So, 'WHO' is against NOKIA? CNN! Warning: Clicking on the image might cause it to experience an erection!

Taken from: WHO: Cell phone use can increase possible cancer risk – CNN.com (click)

Image: Narcissistic gods!

Can you spot the narcissistic gods posing for the camera?

Ego-Puncture: How not to ‘Propose’ to a Girl!

I have conveyed the existence of feeling of love/quasi-love (infatuation, for the mere lesser mortals) to human female subjects on eight occasions, of which two occasions have been just online. Mind you, all of those instances are not the same as pathetic whining of “I love you, so you must love me back in return, or else I will get mad and kill myself, your father and your neighbor’s cat in that order”-kind that passes off as ‘proposing love’. I am full of self-respect, so I don’t ask for favors, that too off a female, and that shows. No wonder, most of the aforementioned female subjects have concurred.

Being a human male, I believe I am a gift to the womankind, which anyway, all the males are. So obviously, I possess passable flirting skills, but which are unfortunately annulled by my fetish for honesty.

Samples:

- 1 -

The girl – ‘G1′ and I are seated outside the college, looking straight ahead, which did not happen to be straight into each others’ eyes for the simple geometrical fact that we were seated on the same bench, with me contemplating our future ahead, and she… also, contemplating our future ahead, more precisely when could she muster sufficient audacity to ask me to go to hell (a.k.a. the boys’ hostel [for strange reasons that I am still unaware of, never called the "Gents' hostel"]), and so she could, to her ladies’ hostel.

I: You see G1, we’ve known each other for so long…
G1: How long?
I: Like… 3 weeks?
G1: So?
I: Have you noticed how close we have grown?

She tentatively slides across the bench farther away from me by half a foot. So, now we are like two feet apart. She visually estimates the distance between us to ensure it is safe enough. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say. But kindly notice, the ‘heart’ is in singular.

G1: Hmm…
I: …So, I think I have developed some feelings for you.

Now she shows greater interest, which she indicates by turning her head 5° to the left. Yes, I was also seated to her left.

G1: Feelings?…
I: Yeah, you know those special feelings…
G1: Don’t be nervous. It’s alright, tell me.
I: Nervous? I thought you would be nervous with my telling you this! I was planning to tell you for so long… But you know, na, G1, this is my first time. You’re getting what I mean to say? Please understand, you must have gone through all this many times before, right?

Now she looks at me, smiles and her cheeks turn red. Then, she lowers her gaze and asks me coyly…

G1: I think I can guess it…You mean to say, you love me, Ketan? Ketan, you really love me?

By now she is quite excited, blushing even harder and looking at me expectantly…

I: Well, sort of.

Okay, okay, I made it up… well, sort of. But, the next two accounts are for real. I promise!

- 2 -

G2, the girl and I were standing outside the college building. Just a few minutes back, I had asked her to come to a ‘khopcha’ snatching her from the grip of her excessively sticky friends. She had in good humor excused her friends by saying, “excuse me, we are going on a date”. Now, that was the easy part. With her standing before me, I was at loss as to what to say. You know, that one thing you say, and the life would never be the same again between those two people. Any emotion felt, would be in its extremes thereon.

Let me first tell you what her response had been, and what happened following that. She had said, “Ketan, if at all I feel like marrying someday, it is only you I can think of at this stage in life”. She had said that without my asking what she felt about me. I was relieved, no great damage had been done. We had carried on for around 6 months, then owing to some bitter differences between us we had parted ways, but amicably so. Somehow, all my relations have been platonic and perhaps, that is why partings have been amicable.

Anyway, what I had told her was, hold your breath… “As of now there are three girls that I think of as my prospective life partners, and you’re one of them!”. And no, I am not lying. This is the 100% truth. Go figure!

- 3 -

This was during my internship. And I was infatuated (click) by my co-intern. She was about to leave for Mumbai in next 3-4 days for good. This was a stage when I had come out of a very emotionally wrecking break up just 5 months back. I had not at all been prepared to invest my emotions in anyone. So actually, my liking for this girl was pretty shallow. In fact, I did not fancy her companionship much.

So, in one of the night duties in the casualty department, we were seated across the table, and following is what I had told her. She had somewhat known about my breakup.

“Now that you’d be leaving in a few days, let me tell you something that is not very important, but I still wanted to tell you. If possible, forget it as soon as you hear, because it is just one of my silly impulses that I’m telling you this… that I have developed a crush on you, but it’s nothing serious as it’s mostly because of how you look!!!”

She was quite taken aback, but she had held onto her composure. So, she did not immediately appreciate how funny the situation was back then, but in retrospect I realize that was a very foolish thing to say, and for some people, even hurting. But I was carried away by my desire to convince her that my feelings were not serious at all. And of course, I was being honest in what I said.

Those were the three accounts I wanted to publish here. I consider myself lucky that these girls had borne my eccentricity with elan, and for which I will always remain grateful. My problem with how I deal with the feeling of love is that I cannot see it as some kind of game to be ‘won’ at all costs. I think of love in very idealistic/romantic terms. My belief is, if I am to any degree less than honest with the person to who I express my love, then firstly, I am myself not considering the self to be worthy of her love, and further if there is reciprocation of feelings, then it would be for the person I had pretended to be, rather than the person I would be. Many might find this ‘too’ idealistic. But I have one pragmatic reason also to be like that: even with greatest degree of honesty, people after settling in a relationship discover irritating/unsavory things about each other. But if two people are as honest as possible, then, at least they have an option of not entering the said relationship, and moreover, if they wish to enter it they know a few things they will have to put up with or compromise upon, and hence they could be mentally prepared. So, honesty at the early stage of or before a relationship begins is better for its longevity (assuming, that is one of the goals, which somehow it has been in my case). And conversely, a relationship built with concealment of significant traits of oneself is very apt to reach a state where unanticipated compromises would be involved, and both the partners would have to rather put up with each others’ company, than enjoy it. Of course, parting would be an option, but with that lot of emotional adjustments would have to be made. And lastly, not to mention, there is certain degree of comfort one feels on being honest – one does not have to be constantly pressured to remember which mask to done.

The purpose of above examples was not to portray my behavior as exemplary. In fact, I was going to just stop at the third account; this explanation was an afterthought.

Of course, the above analysis is largely my speculation, because fortunately, to whatever degree I have been in two relations (of which one was with G2 above), none of the persons involved have required to be very pretentious or overtly dishonest, so I have no personal experience to be sure that highest degree of honesty is the best policy to ‘kick-start’ a relationship.

Readers’ views are, of course, most welcome.

My first tag!

Owing to my pathetic interpersonal skills, which are as pathetic online as they are offline, hardly any blogger has tagged me up till now. And let me be honest, I always wanted to be tagged, but nobody considered me or my blog good enough to be tagged. Okay now, that I’m done with my perfunctory whining against the powers that be in the World and beyond, which I anyway keep on doing with tags like Why the World is Doomed (click), let me get down to business!

—–

Some rules of the Game:

a) Show off your honesty (and modesty) by thanking the person who gave you the award and link to their post.

b) List 15 honest things about yourself. Cheating makes you lame, so just play along, all you taggees.

c) Select 7 other bloggers you think deserve this award and pass it on to them.

d) Notify said bloggers about the award and invite them to be the honest ones next.

—–

a) I wholeheartedly thank Srishti (click), whose strongest claim to being wonderful, phenomenal, sensational, awesome, unimaginablysupercoolintelligentandnice human being is the fact that she tagged (click) me! Apart from that, a fact of unsettled significance is that she blogs.

—–

Okay now coming to the easiest part of the tag – 15 honest things about myself!

1. I’m quite honest!

Of course I am, why else would I consider jotting down 15 honest things about about myself as the easiest task in this tag, huh? But keeping in with my honesty, I must also add that the qualifier “quite” umm… lends itself to be kind of, you know, misused. Moreover, “honesty” is subjective, isn’t it? On a more serious note, I do have an unconventional view of honesty. I feel, honesty, just like other ideals has a higher purpose, and that higher purpose happens to be human happiness. This happiness has to be acquired through pragmatic means – such that it would not cause too much discomfort to others, so as to upset society’s harmony, and nor should it hurt my conscience to the degree that I would develop disdain for myself. So given that goal, honesty would mean telling the truth, not concealing significant aspects of what I would regard as truth, but if my conscience is convinced and rather demands that I deviate from the conventional path of truth, then I would do that as well. I had discussed the related ideas in my blog posts – Ideological vanity (click), My System of Ethics (click), An Ethical Brainteaser! (click) and How Morality is Indispensable to a Social Life (click).

When it comes to honesty, I can be quite extreme on either side of what might be considered the ‘optimum’ degree of honesty. How honest I am with a person depends on how much I value them. I can cook up believable stories very spontaneously and also speak them out with a straight face. I have played pranks using this skill of mine on few occasions, and at other times I did so to bail out myself from difficult situations. But on the other extreme, if I respect a person a lot, then I have decided in favor of being honest to utmost degree. My belief is, if I respect a person, then I must consider them as much deserving as myself to know the same truth that I would, and would also not doubt their ability to handle the truth, and the desire to know it.

2. My first crush was at the age of 5!

What I mean is, the girl was five! Okay-okay, I was also five, back then. Yes people, I was quite precocious! Perhaps, my hairline that’s merged with the forehead skin is merely another indicator of my precocity. Though, I must mention here that I had harbored that crush for the girl right from kindergarten to class 9. That is ten whole years! And yet, never could I gather sufficient courage to tell her that. Actually, her family had happened to be friends with mine, and I was worried that if she and in turn my parents were to get a whiff of it, I would be sent to 14 years vana vaas [exiled to forest], notwithstanding the absence of Manthara, Lakshman or Sita in my life. Later, I grew out of that crush, and am just about in touch with her. I wonder if I come to know of her being in some romantic relationship or planning to get married, would I still feel a pinch? Perhaps I would, but even that pinch would make me smile, just like most things from my childhood that I consider silly, would. As an aside, one of my female class mates during my MBBS course had commented in Hindi, “koi itni chhoti si umar se itna ‘woh’ kaise ho saktaa hai?” [How can someone be so 'that' from such a young age?]. I egged her on as to what she meant by ‘that’ (“‘Woh’ matlab?”). She said, “Samajh jaa na!”. So, I asked, “tharaki?” [Lecherous?]. “Haan wohi!” [Yes, that only!]. Now, I didn’t launch into an elaboration on how not all attractions need be tinged with libidinous desires, etc. That must have dented my reputation, at least she made it seem so, but quite possibly, it would have actually improved among girls! But either ways, I couldn’t be too bothered to find that out.

3. My crush list had consisted of 23 girls by the time I had turned 17!

I know that is quite an awesome figure… for detached onlookeers, that is! How many did I manage to pataaofy? None!

Again, quite a few girls take this figure as a sign of my being a loose gentleman [Do you see the contradiction in terms here? It ("loose gentleman") does not come out as well as "loose lady", right? But I have an explanation for that. Unlike what feminists would like to point out, this usage has nothing to do with inherent sexism. The answer lies in poetics - 'loose' and 'lady' are alliterations! ]. But that is not true. My reasons for getting a crush on some girl are very eclectic, but equally weird! So actually, it is quite an honor for a girl if I get a crush on her (duh!). E.g., once after I finished my meal in a restaurant, a girl was inadvertently blocking my way to the wash basin. I said, “Excuse me! Could you please make way for me?” She was visibly embarrassed, and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Sure!” and gave a sheepish smile and got out of the way. Now of course, this would seem a normal occurrence, but those were the days when the girls in my junior college (class 12) were irritating enough to say haughtily “excused” in response to such requests (inspired by, who else, but Shahrukh Khan!) when in fact, it is they who would be blocking the way and thus be at fault! And lo behold, mujhe us pe crush aa gayaa (woh Hindi wala “lo” tha)! Ah so you see, this fine lady’s etiquette quite endeared her to me. And that I felt she looked good helped. But to be honest, I had hardly looked at her, so I can’t be sure. Maybe it was just her demeanor that made me feel that she looked good. I left the restaurant, feeling thumps in my chest, with this intense desire to go back and talk to her, to look at her face and her smile, to try to get her email ID or Yahoo! ID (those were the days I had been heavily into Yahoo! chatting), but alas, there was no pretext to do that! This helplessness disturbed me for a few days. And quite weirdly, if I were ever to meet her, I would not even be able to recognize her now!!! But that unmistakable feeling of warmth is not lost on me each time I try to recall that incident.

4. I can be quite poker faced (but the irony is I don’t like card games!).

This, anyway few of you must have guessed when I talked of making up stories with a straight face. But then there is a flip side, too. It seems that my feelings do not spill over onto my face (whatever that is supposed to mean!). So, if I am really happy, I have to convince others that I would be feeling very happy. Likewise, due to relatively subdued facial expressions, and also the fact that most people consider me quite composed (which I am most of the times), people do not believe me easily when I tell them that I would be feeling sad or troubled or anxious.

5. I have cried in public only once.

I cry with difficulty. I don’t know why. It is not that I look at adversely those who cry. In fact, crying can be quite therapeutic. But perhaps I would feel a loss of control if I let myself cry and show emotion. I am not so affected by the attention I might draw on crying, but even otherwise I cry extremely rarely. The last I had cried was after class 12 (which is more than 8 years back, and anyway was not in public).

It is for similar reason that I do not allow myself to show my anger, envy, irritation, etc. As I said, I am hardly bothered by what others think of me, but I do so because when dealing in public I feel people by default are firstly not ‘deserving’ of my emotion (including anger), meaning, I consider my true emotions the precious most things – that people have to reach crossing a few check points in order to be able to ‘access’ [apologies, if that sounds haughty]. Secondly, I feel if I act under the influence of some overwhelming emotion, then that would not be the best decision. This makes me quite a control freak, with the subject of that control being myself. So when I do experience some overwhelming emotion, most of my attention is focused on trying to buffer it, cut it out of my system, so outwardly quite obviously, people cannot make out what is going on inside of me, or even that indeed something significant is going on.

Okay, so the last time I had cried was in class 5! But many people to who I have recounted the incident find the reason behind it very silly. It had so happened that the girl with who I used to share my bench was in a mischievous mood. She was hitting me with my own compass box (metallic box in which I used to carry my writing/drawing material, etc.). She was miffed by the fact that I wasn’t getting angry. So to provoke me, she threw away my box at the wall around 5 m away in front of us. All the contents of the box had fallen out. But I went, collected the box and the items, replaced them and came back with my box. All along I had been requesting her to stop, but perhaps she was bent on testing my patience [unfortunately, I have noticed quite a few people I have met in life have wanted to break my resolve/composure/patience, perhaps because they think of it as some kind of challenge. But they do not understand that I have my personal reasons to be composed, and it is not that I do that to get some kick out of it]. Somehow, my only concern was how to stop her! It did not occur to me that I should get angry at her! In the meantime, she got hold of my some other stuff, and as I went to get it back from her, she took hold of my compass box and threw it again!!! It was actually food break that we used to get midway in the school’s time table, so there were hardly any other class mates in the room. Just one of my class mates who was watching all this came to me and told me something to the effect of: “how could you be so passive! If she threw your compass box, you too must throw hers!”. Now to be honest, even his words were not entirely convincing, because as I said I did not feel angry at all. My only concern was to get her to stop. But then I decided that perhaps he was right. If she had thrown my box, and that too twice, despite my warning and requesting her to not do the same, there was nothing wrong with my doing the same with hers! Moreover, I thought it would be an effective ‘strategy’ to stop her! But there was one problem – her box was made of plastic and it was beautiful (mine was ugly, apart from being metallic). So, I did not have the heart to throw it. But if I remember correctly, she was preparing to play yet another trick to try to gain control of my box and throw it again. So, in one quick motion, I took her box and threw it. Somewhat unexpectedly, one of the hinges of the box’s lid broke off from the main body. Now her box was defunct! She started crying, complaining that she had pestered her mom a lot to let her use that box, as it was actually a birthday gift to her six year younger brother, and that her mom would scold her a lot, and also her brother would be very heart broken. Suddenly, I felt very guilty of what I did. More so, because I too had an equally younger sister, and I knew how difficult it was to negotiate things out of parents! And I started crying – much harder than her, and quite inconsolably. I think the fact that my act was not backed my own conviction or emotions added greatly to my regret. I felt pathetic [the girl was done with her crying till then]. Soon, the break had ended, and all the students started coming into the class. It was quite an unusual sight for everyone, because nobody expected me to cry ever. In some time, our science teacher (who has been one of my all-time favorite teachers) entered. She inquired with others as to what had happened. She told me in Hindi, “Agar kisi ko sataana galat hai, toh us sataaye jaane ko sehanaa bhi galat hai” [If it is wrong to trouble someone, then it is also wrong to tolerate being troubled]. Now, again I wasn’t entirely convinced with that line of reasoning, but simply because it had come from a teacher I was so much in awe of, I thought she must be right! I apologized to the girl and also to the teacher. And no, that was not my tactic to escape punishment! I’m good at pretending to be normal, but I am not at all good at pretending to be crying!!!

With that incident I learned that unadulterated guilt is a very difficult feeling to handle for me. It is possible that only to escape that curse of guilt I have tried to develop a system of ethics, which I try to sincerely follow. For in matters of guilt, just like is with medical disorders, prevention is better than cure.

6. My favorite animal is cat.

Many classify people into ‘dog-person’ v/s ‘cat-person’. And somehow I do not even find the classification artificial. It does seem that most people are partial towards one and somewhat against the other. I find cats very cute-looking. There is an air of vulnerability in their round face and the way they ‘meow’. Perhaps, it inspires a protective instinct in me. But then, many dogs are also like that, and who I don’t find as much attractive. So what actually impresses me about cats is that despite this seemingly delicate frame, they are quite self-sufficient. Their agility is deceptive. Also, I like cats for their decisiveness, e.g., it is all too common to find dogs goofing up while crossing roads, and getting hurt/killed in the process. Many times they end up harming the motorists also, but cats are not like that. They cross roads quite easily. Another thing I like about cats is that they seem to be very curious – always exploring something or the other in their environs. I have read on the internet that to make blog posts interesting, we must include a few pictures. So here I post a few cute wall papers of cats I had downloaded from Wide wallpapers (click) in hope that my blog gets more popular and I get tagged more often.

Curious cat – still alive!

See what I told you about cats being able to fend for themselves! Threatening, isn’t it?

Contemplative cat. Yet agile!

Self sufficient kittens buttphucking learning things on their own by ‘trial and error’.

I as a child had been so fond of cats, that I used to try to imitate their sound. I used to see if I could attract some kitten towards me thus, trying to make it think I would be its mother! However silly it might sound, I try to do that sometimes even today. If I could understand cat language, I would really like to know how stupid do they find me for that (no, cat’s body language, e.g., scratching and biting does not count as cat language)!

An extremely significant outcome of my immense experience with attempts at ‘catiloquy’ (a la ventriloquy) is the conclusion and the tip I present here, that to best imitate a cat’s sound, one must say ‘v-ynaa-oon’ (with lot of nasal twang) instead of the flat ‘me-eow’ that is more popular. Do let me know your results when you try this!

7. I’m a very disorganized.

Very few people who know me through online contact might believe that, but that is indeed a fact. I like my thoughts well organized, but I do not maintain my material belongings the same way. I find it a waste of time to try to keep things in an orderly fashion, especially, if I would be needing them regularly.

8. I’m VERY afraid of cockroaches!

I have never been able to deconstruct my fear of cockroaches. Perhaps, it has got something to do with the inherent unpredictability of their trajectory and the suddenness of their movements. I’m particularly afraid of the flying variety.

9. I quite like violent (on ears) music.

Again, this might seem to go against my personality, but for some reason, one of my favorite kinds of music happens to be quite jarring. Examples are ‘Smack my bitch up’, ‘Spitfire’, ‘Breath’ (all three by The Prodigy), ‘Ich wil’ (Ramstein), ‘Let the bodies hit the floor’ (Drowning pool), ‘Calm like a Bomb’ (The Rage against the Machine) and ‘Dragula’ (Rob Zombie).

10. I’m quite averse to the idea of bathing.

And of course, that I do to conserve water… would be a prototypical lie. It’s because I’m plain lazy. I would think of bathing as a waste of time that could be better utilized to doing more productive things like tweeting/blogging/commenting on blogs or thinking up a new conspiracy theory!

One of my friends during my MBBS days had told his parents that on one occasion I had not had bath for 30 days! While I will not corroborate that number what I can say is that in terms of ‘order of magnitude’, he was not way off mark! But now I have somewhat mended my ways. My frequency has started approaching once a day, something that quite comforts my parents.

Oh, and did I mention it gets quite lonely in the bathroom! Except of course, if I would be given company by a flying cockroack! :O

11. In my childhood (till I was 7 years old) I wanted to become a watchman on growing up.

What used to impress me about the job was the watchman’s uniform. I also used to be awed by the fact that watchmen get to keep a stick with them, which they could use when needed, so everybody would be afraid of them!

Of course, with time I lost my fascination. Following that I sequentially wanted to become paleontologist, archeologist, geologist, astronomer, nuclear physicist, cell biologist (by which time I had reached class 12). Quite ironically, except for during my internship and some time following its completion I never really wanted to be a practicing doctor/surgeon!

12. I find ‘The Little Prince’ (click) a very cute story.

I have of course read only the English translation of this story originally written in French. Many sources mention that there is lot of profundity in the story and even small things are allegorical, in that they represent a commentary on (ridiculous) aspects of human behavior. But the part I like the best is where the Little Prince recounts how he had left his beloved flower back at his asteroid. He alludes to certain kind of vanity on part of the flower when she shows her thorns (claws) as if they were sufficient to defend her from the sheep that might eat her! Yet the Little Prince likes her, and strives to protect her! He loves her ‘just like that’ – for the heck of it! This, according to me was one of the most delicate representations of romantic love. It perhaps appeals to some carefree child hidden in me that wants to throw caution to the winds, embark on this journey of love without bothering to see what it gives back and what the journey entails – thus love becoming the end in itself in its truest sense.

13. I type out my blog post drafts in ‘HTML mode’!

I recently realized that this is a very weird thing to do. Of course, it is not a case that I do not know of the conventional mode to type them where what you see is what you get (wysiwyg). But I guess, this tendency stems from the fact that I like to be in control. If there is something that goes around me, and which I am unaware of, the very idea makes me uncomfortable. Of course, I use many electronic devices whose mechanism of working I’m unaware of. But in case of blogging, I like to keep the use of HTML at its minimum so that if I have to edit the drafts some time in the future, I would get an elegant composition as against one with many redundant tags (which typing in wysiwyg mode usually entails).

14. I am very fond of the Indian singer, Shaan.

In fact, Shaan (click) is the only celebrity I very strongly feel like meeting in person. One would be not wrong in calling what I used to (and to some extent, still) feel about him as infatuation (click)!

I won’t write much over here about him as I am sure to end up blogging about him in future.

15. I had been shown to a psychiatrist…

…Because my class teacher thought I was erm… mentally retarded! And my dad was also seemingly convinced. All this because I used to detest school work of any kind – be it studies or be it doing homework. I almost never used to copy down the notes that teachers would write on the black board as I used to find that pointless and boring.

I was made to undergo an IQ test in which I had done exceedingly well, putting to rest my dad’s concerns of my being a retard. The psychiatrist was really nice. I guess, since then, and especially because I got to meet two fabulous psychiatrists during my graduation, I seem to have developed a soft corner for psychiatry and psychiatrists.

—–

c) Now coming to the difficult part – tagging others. As I am not sure how many more occasions would I get to tag others thus (owing to [ahem] my lack of popularity), I make maximum use of it, and tag as many people (bloggers as well as tweeters) as possible! And of course, I take this opportunity to sneak out some information off people I have always been quite curious about.

Bloggers:

1. Saimukundhan
2. Stupidosaur
3. Dr. S
4. Wise Donkey
5. Rohith
6. mgeek
7. Quirky Indian
8. Charakan
9. Sowmya
10. Bhagwad
11. Uzza
12. Darshan Chande
13. Tumultuous Suspension
14. smitzy
15. Chiya/Garmia Dipti
16. Vishwas
17. Srinivas

Tweeters:

1. @bharkadatta
2. @Shakti_Shetty
3. @archie229
4. @MarviSirmed
5. @raggedtag – tag completed (click)
6. @Akhtar789
7. @p_adic_Saurav
8. @AnilAarush
9. @RaapChick
10. @dremtee
11. @iBeingMe
12. @FurhanHussain
13. @smokenfog
14. @HaroonRiaz
15. @orezavi

I would have liked to tag Tangled up in Blue and Insignia also, but former has already done the tag, and latter I suspect to have done it in the past.

I would be happy if anyone else feels like taking up this tag, and please do inform me about it. .

I know quite a few of those mentioned above find silly the idea of taking up tags like above, to them I can only urge them to take this up because I am curious! Also, many of the tweeters mentioned here do not maintain a blog, but it would be nice if they could make one just for this once. Thanks all!

—–

d) I will make sure that those tagged are informed about it.

PS: I will try to link to others’ tags as and when they complete it, and inform me of the same.

Song Parody: 1 – Duniya mein logon ko

This is after real long that I am parodizing an entire Hindi song. Hope, you enjoy!

—–

To be sung to the tune of ‘Duniya mein logon ko’. Original lyrics are in green, and parodied ones are in orange. Also, lyrics have been phonetically rendered in Roman script for those browsers that might not render the Devanagari script.

Watch on YouTube (click)

http://www.youtube.com/v/WWOaTY_CEfs?fs=1&hl=en_US

RD: | K’Ma D:

बीरा… | छीना…
टरा टरा टरा, परा परा परा | बड़ा बड़ा बड़ा, मारा मारा मारा
टराटराटराटरा तरारू | देश का pocket मारामारामारा मारुरुरु

दुनिया में, logon को | Commonwealth में, ऐसे तो
धोखा कभी हो जाता है | एक-आध खोखा^* यूँही खो जाता है

आँखों ही, आँखों में | लाखों ही, लाखों में
यारों का दिल खो जाता है | प्यारों का bill pay हो जाता है

Asha: | Money-aa:

दुनिया में… | Commonwealth में…

RD: | K’Ma D:

दुनिया में… | Commonwealth में…

Asha: | Money-aa:

(नागिन सी मेरी चाल, रखना दिल का ख़याल | (Maoमाता का अड्डा बंगाल, रखती Maoists का ख़याल
मेरे दीवानों का, हो जाता है यह हाल) -2 | Media से कह के मैंने, उठवा दिया games का सवाल) -2

बीड़ा, बीड़ा, बड़ा बड़ा | चीरा, चीरा, फाड़ा, फाड़ा
टरा टरा टरा, तुरु तुरु तुरु, तुरु, तुरु तुरु तुरु तुरु रु | मारा मारा मारा, देश का pocket मारा मारा मारा, मारा मारा मारुरुरु

जागी मैं, सारी रैन | Games में, मैं हैरान
सारा जहां सो जाता है | पैसा कहाँ खो जाता है
आँखों ही, आँखों में | लाखों ही, लाखों में
यारों का दिल खो जाता है | मेरा कुछ नहीं हो पाता है

R D: | K’Ma D:

(कहती है यह नज़र, कब क्या हो क्या खबर | (Official तो है figure, पर अन्दर की उन्हें क्या खबर
दुनिया में चंद लोग, होते हैं जादूगर) -2 | Money-aa ma’am को ठगकर, हूँ तो मैं बेफिक़र) -2

बीड़ा, बीड़ा, बड़ा बड़ा | चीरा, चीरा, फाड़ा, फाड़ा
टरा टरा टरा, तुरु तुरु तुरु, तुरु, तुरु तुरु तुरु तुरु रु | मारा मारा मारा, देश का pocket मारा मारा मारा, मारा मारा मारुरुरु

Asha: | Money-aa:

सुनिए जी, उन पे भी | भ्रष्ट-एष जी, मुझ को तो
जादू कभी हो जाता है | आप पे भी शक हो जाता है
आँखों ही, आँखों में | लाखों ही, लाखों में
यारों का दिल खो जाता है | मेरा कुछ नहीं हो पाता है

R D: | K’Ma D:

(पिंजरे में चलके आप, आ जाता है शिकार | (ऐसा न कहिये आप, करूंगा आप को भी मालामाल

Asha: | Money-aa:

कातिल पे भी कभी, आ जाता है प्यार) -2 | चमचे भी करते कभी, हैं चालाकी की मजाल) -2

बीड़ा, बीड़ा, बड़ा बड़ा | चीरा, चीरा, फाड़ा, फाड़ा
टरा टरा टरा, तुरु तुरु तुरु, तुरु, तुरु तुरु तुरु तुरु रु | मारा मारा मारा, देश का pocket मारा मारा मारा, मारा मारा मारुरुरु

बातों ही, बातों में | अकेले में, खाने से
होना है जो हो हाता है | चमचा Tharoored हो जाता है
आँखों ही, आँखों में | देखते ही, देखते में
यारों का दिल खो जाता है | CBI पीछे पड जाता है *wink* *wink*

Asha: | Money-aa:

दुनिया में… | Commonwealth में…

—

RD: | K’Ma D:

beeraa… | Chheena…
tara tara taraa, para para para | badaa badaa badaa, maara maara maara
taraataraataraatara taraaru | desh ka pocket maaramaaramaara maarururu

duniya mein, logon ko | Commonwealth mein, aise toh
dhokha kabhi ho jaata hai | Ek-aadh khokha yunhi kho jaata hai

aankhon hi, aankhon mein | laakhon hi, laakhon mein
yaaron ka dil kho jaata hai | Pyaaron ka bill pay ho jaata hai

Ashaa: | Money-aa:

duniya mein … | Commonwealth mein…

RD: | K’Ma D:

duniya mein … | Commonwealth mein…

Asha: | Money-aa:

(naagin si meri chaal, rakhana dil ka khayaal | (MaoMaata ka adda Bangal, rakhati Maoists ka khayaal
mere deevaanon kaa, ho jaata hai ye haal) -2 | Media se kah ke maine, uthawa diya games ka sawaal) -2

beedaa, beedaa, baayaraa, baayara | cheera, cheera, phaada, phaada
taraatara taraa, turu turu turu, turu turu turu turu turu ru | maara maara maara, desh ka pocket maara maara maara, maara maara maarururu

jaagi main, saari rain | Games mein, main hairaan
saara jahaan so jata hai | paisa kahaan kho jaata hai
aankhon hee, aankhon mein | laakhon hi, laakhon mein
yaaron ka dil kho jaata hai | mera kucch nahin ho paata hai

R D: | K’Ma D:

(kahati hai ye nazar, kab kya ho kya khabar] | (Official toh hai figure, par andar ki unhein kya khabar

duniya mein chand log, hote hain jaadugar) -2 | Money-aa ma’am ko thugkar, hoon toh main befiqar) -2
beedaa, beedaa, baayaraa, baayara | cheera, cheera, phaada, phaada
taraatara taraa, turu turu turu, turu turu turu turu turu ru | maara maara maara, desh ka pocket maara maara maara, maara maara maarururu

Asha: | Money-aa:

suniye jee, un pe bhi | Bhrasthesh ji, mujh ko toh
jaadu kabhi ho jaata hai | aap pe bhi shaq ho jaata hai
aankhon hee, aankhon mein | laakhon hi, laakhon mein
yaaron ka dil kho jaata hai | mera kuchh nahin ho paat hai

R D: | K’Ma D:

(pinjare mein chalake aap, a jaata hai shikaar] | (aisa na kahiye aap, karoonga aap ko bhi maalamaal

Asha: | Money-aa:

qaatil pe bhi kabhee, a jaata hai yoon pyaar) -2 | chamche bhi karate kabhi, hain chaalaki ki majaal) -2

beedaa, beedaa, baayaraa, baayara] | cheera, cheera, phaada, phaada
taraatara taraa, turu turu turu, turu turu turu turu turu ru | maara maara maara, desh ka pocket maara maara maara, maara maara maarururu

baaton hi, baaton mein] | akele mein, khaane se
hona hai jo ho jaata hai] | chamchaa Tharoored ho jaata hai
aankhon hee, aankhon mein] | Dekhte hi, dekhte mein
yaaron ka dil kho jaata hai] | CBI peeche pad jaata hai *wink* *wink*

Asha: | Money-aa:

duniya mein … | Commonwealth mein…

^*खोखा = Rs. 1 crore in colloquial Hindi.

—–

Lyrics courtesy: Bollywood hungama (click)

The Truth behind the Rhyme

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,
On pushing, Jill couldn’t control her laughter.

BJP’s Rally against Price Rise Makes Dent – on Twitter!

Tweaked from #PriceRiseRally tweets:

1. Bhishma Pitamah at #PriceRiseRally: Khud ka pet nahin paal sakta, biwi-bachchon ka kya hoga! Main brahmacharya ki shapath leta hoon

2. Buffalo at #PriceRiseRally eats up dice thrown by Shakuni after wrongly hearing “chaar” as “chaara”. Denies its name is Lalu

3. Ms. Roy at #PriceRiseRally scratches private parts vigorously. Thinks of lice in Dantewada jungle: “Bloody *internal* security threats!”

4. Duhshasan indecisive at #PriceRiseRally as Draupadi didn’t wear saree as a cost-cutting measure

5. Ahmadinejad bans #PriceRiseRally, then retracts on learning the rally is being held in India (via @bharkadatta)

6. Ahmadinejad while parting from #PriceRiseRally: Holocaust & price rise are same things & they never really happened

7. Ahmadinejad rephrases #PriceRiseRally statement: HollowCost & price rise are same things & they never really happened

8. Michelangelo plans sequel to ‘Fall of Man’ – ‘Rise of Price’; joins #PriceRiseRally for inspiration. Promises to show Katie Price & protestors fully clothed

9. Voyeuristic Katie Price fans at #PriceRiseRally hope to have some upskirt fun when Price is raised

10. MMS in face of #PriceRiseRally didn’t let Katie Price sleep the whole night citing “Early to bed, early to rise”. Doesn’t reveal how he kept her awake

11. Media stays away from #PriceRiseRally. “We only cover matters of *gravity*. Nothing that ‘rises’ is important”

12. Protestor ‘Tara Singh’ faints in the #PriceRiseRally. Aamir to make a movie – Tara Zameen Par

13. Sheila Dixit points to south Indian movie artists in #PriceRiseRally in Delhi: See, those are nonstate actors!

14. Pickpockets join #PriceRiseRally. On further query, holding wallets in their hand just say, “SurPrice!”

15. AnDy Tiwari joins #PriceRiseRally to pep up his sex life. Reveals he renamed his Rambo to ‘Price’

16. Mulayam at #PriceRiseRally whistles at ladies from decent families. Defends: I was just being a whistle blower

17. Pak president Zardari joins #PriceRiseRally, says he has nothing much to do back home (via @bharkadatta)

18. Mayawati at #PriceRiseRally: My cash garland isn’t worth much now, thanks to inflation. Hence joined the protests (via @bharkadatta)

19. Genelia D’souza at #PriceRiseRally says she’s here to try out her new sunscreen lotion! (via @bharkadatta)

Spinning Yarns to Make Undies on TV

—–
1.

The author asserts that all the incidents described in what follows are completely true. There is no question of any incidental resemblance with any person alive, moribund or dead as the author himself had witnessed the events described this Sunday (February 28, 2010) on the eve of Holi (click) after consuming bhang (click), which he could not dilute sufficiently with thandai (click).

Reader discretion is strictly optional, and when exercised, in fact would be deemed by the author as an affront to his truthfulness and ability to maintain lucidity in face of information overload.

8:00 PM, 28 February, 2010
nOObs’ Channel: Undie TV XXX 24×7
Program: Weed People
Debate: Which political party is best for We, the People?

Hello and welcome, friends, to yet another episode of your favorite propagandram – Weed^* People! It is Holi tonight, and I, Charkha Thug, take yet another opportunity to remind you, the people, of Undie TV’s undying endeavor to provide the best opinions in the news-market to choose from.

India is the largest democracy in the World, and staying true to our democratic spirit, we keep on voting. There are all kinds of opportunities to vote – Lok Sabha elections, assembly elections, municipality elections, best TV vamp elections. No wonder, it is imperative that we all stay informed as to who to vote for.

We have noticed that despite our best efforts, the citizenry of India has not been proactive enough to assimilate the message Undie TV wants them to. Our research analysts have concluded that this sloth is an outcome of Indians’ inability to follow hints. And it is even understandable – when all other channels bombard the viewers with in-your-face news, our subtle messages are lost upon the viewers’ numbed sensibilities.

So today we have decided to set the record straight once and for all. We’re here to tell you discuss which political party is the best to vote for. And to aid your decision making we have some eminent spitters speakers with us.

Let’s kick off this debate with the eloquent spokesperson of the Con’s Dress Party – Manhus Bimari.

Charkha: Mr. Manhus, could you please tell We, the People, why we must vote for you, and not for the SafeRun alliance, who is your chief political opponent?

Manhus: Charkha, I must begin with saying that our party traces its origin in wannOOby bureaucrats, who were desirous of greater role in governance. So as you could see, to govern people is the unshakable wish all our party members have always shared. Now you must juxtapose this wish with the fact that where there is a will, there is a way! We have willed that we rule, and we have had our way, more often than not. But of course, sometimes merely willing is not sufficient, and hence we are exploring new ways (click). The strongest reason I could offer to dear citizens to vote for the Con’s Dress is the sense of accomplishment they will experience in voting for the party that is to win. I know, despite or alternatively, because of – both of which are debatable but acceptable views, our ruling the nation for around 50 years now, people have to struggle day in and day out. Whatever they wish for never happens. Like, people had wished that food prices come down, but they have maintained their upward trend! People had wished that there be no surprises thrown by terrorists (click), but that did not happen! People had foolishly wished that Rahul and Rakhi marry each other and STFU, but see, that too did not happen! These disappointments leave in wake a defeatist attitude. We totally understand the situation. We have over these five decades, developed an unparalleled expertise at understanding the common man’s problems. And this should not come as a surprise, after all, antivirus companies know how the end user feels when his PC gets infected by the viruses they create.

The problem, as you can clearly see, is in people’s wishing for things that are extremely unlikely to happen. So what we suggest to people is that they align their wishes with events keeping in view their probability of happening! There is nothing that comes closer to playing God as voting for the Con’s Dress and wishing for its victory!

Charkha: Thank you Mr. Bimari. I’m sure all our viewers who are sensible must have understood by now that they must vote for you. But being the responsible mouthorganpiece of media, I must give fair chance to our guest from the SafeRun alliance. So I would like to ask Mr. SingeJoy Rout of the Shy Sena to tell us why we must vote for them. I must remind our viewers that the Shy Sena is the prototypical alliance partner of the SafeRun. Their history includes breaking glasses of cinema halls, showing their concern for the depopulation afflicting Pakistan owing to Talibani activity thereby requesting select Indians to emigrate, and not to forget [sniff, sniff] not letting people watch My Name is Con. Let’s see if Mr. SingeJoy is able to tell us why we must vote for the TeleBunny party that he represents and not for their rival, the Con’s Dress Party, which clinched us freedom from the Britishers, is pro-poor, pro-development, pro-friendship, pro-stitu… I mean, secular…

SingeJoy: I object. How do you call us TeleBunny and call the Con’s Dress secular? Don’t you remember what these people had done in 1984…

Charkha: I’m afraid Mr. SingeJoy, you’re raking up a very sensitive issue for which our viewers are not fully prepared. So we take a very short break at this point. See you back after some time. mouth fart[smile] .

Charkha: Welcome back! So we were discussing how the Shy Sena is the prototypical alliance partner of the SafeRun. Their history includes breaking glasses of cinema halls, showing their concern for the depopulation afflicting Pakistan owing to Talibani activity thereby requesting select Indians to emigrate, and not to forget [sniff, sniff] not letting people watch My Name is Con.

SingeJoy: This is ridiculous! How many times will you repeat the same rubbish? Anyway, I was telling that the Con’s Dress Party is not as secular as you are making them out to be. In 1984…

Charkha: Mr. SingeJoy, I’m afraid your time is up! We have to let all our participants speak. I’ll return to you later. So well, people as you could see the Shy Sena has no defense for its abominable actions. Because, they are the prototypical alliance partner of the SafeRun. Their history includes breaking glasses of cinema halls, showing their concern for the depopulation afflicting Pakistan owing to Talibani activity thereby requesting select Indians to emigrate, and not to forget [sniff, sniff] not letting people watch My Name is Con. Whereas, Con’s Dress is the party, which clinched us freedom from the Britishers, is pro-poor, pro-development, pro-friendship, pro-stitu… I mean, secular. Well, no debate on any subject under the Sun, and especially beyond it, can remain complete without the involvement of the Left Out. Let’s take some views of the very illuminating Prakash Current as to whether we must vote for the SafeRun alliance or the Con’s Dress.

Prakash: Charkha, being media’s responsible mouth organ, you must not sing paeans to the Con’s Dress. You should give us a chance, too. We have been pro-poor since our inception. Saffron is just a form of adulterate red, but we are the pure red!

Charkha: Mr. Prakash, I thought being the Third-Front, you can only go back and FourthForth between the treasury and the opposition benches. Anyway, We, the People, will try to take you people more seriously. But what seems to concern the whole nation is the impression that you are tacit supporters of the Meowists. Would you like to clarify anything on this issue?

Prakash: There is nothing to clarify on this. Our stance is very clear. We support the Meowists because they are the Jungle cats! What is difficult to understand in this? What is wrong? Aren’t the jungle-dwellers the poorest and closest to the mother nature. Aren’t jungle cats indigenous animals? Don’t you know our love for everything indigenous, especially, that originating and thriving in jungles? We are pro-poor. And we are pro-Meowists. We will never let any of the two get extinct.

Charkha: Viewers, this is unbelievable! I just can’t believe I’m so awesome! I made Mr. Prakash confess that the Left Out sides with the Meowists – something that TheRuin TechPal of Tadka.com had been attempting to do since their alliance with the Con’s Dress. What hidden camera could not achieve, I achieved with my pure awesomeness. Here to celebrate, let me take another break. [Giggle].

Charkha: So we are back. I must remind the viewers the subject of our discussion is which party to vote for. Of course, very early in today’s show, we had reached this unanimous conclusion that it has to be The Con’s Dress. Because Shy Sena is the prototypical alliance partner of the SafeRun. Their history includes breaking glasses of cinema halls, showing their concern for the depopulation afflicting Pakistan owing to Talibani activity thereby requesting select Indians to emigrate, and not to forget [sniff, sniff] not letting people watch My Name is Con. Whereas, it’s Con’s Dress Party, which clinched us freedom from the Britishers, is pro-poor, pro-development, pro-friendship, pro-stitu… I mean, secular. And also because I don’t like Mr. Prakash’s deo.

Now we will take the opinions of our studio audience. Umm… yes, that sweet lady in the third row. The one in the saffron burqa! I must tell you in my 35 years of journalistic career, I have never seen such a spectacle! Yippeeee!

SingeJoy: Charkha, you are misguiding the citizens of our country. How come 35 years? You mean…

Charkha: Yes of course, I’ve been making up stories since I was three! Winners begin early, don’t you agree? Anyway, Mr. SingeJoy, your time is up. I was telling the viewers how I have never seen such a spectacle! This, the saffron burqa is the epitome of Hindu-Muslim sister*hood* and customizable feminism and love for one’s religion. What is your name sweet lady?

Lady: Ahem, ahem! [Squeaky manly voice] Well, you see, I am not exactly a lady. You see, my name is Bubbly Duhling.

Charkha: Oh, then I must add, apart from espousing the causes of Hindu-Muslim sisterhood, customizable feminism, religionophilia, you are also the champion of transgender rights! You’re one hell of an activist. By the way, did you do your bit for Save the tiger? There are only 1411 left! And are you running for Grin-at-thorn? But I must repeat, you’re one hell of an activist. If I deserve the Padmachhee, you definitely deserve Bharat Rant. Could you tell our viewers who you will vote for, and why?

Bubbly: Of course, I will vote for the Con’s Dress Party! That’s what I had rehearsed before the sho…

Charkha (stomping her feet and snatching away the mic): Shh… Due to some technical difficulties, we’ll have to take a not-so-short break. We’ll return next Sunday. Till then, goodbye and wish you a happy Holi!

8:00 PM, 7 March, 2010
nOObs’ Channel: Undie TV XXX 24×7
Program: Weed People
Debate: Which political party is best for We, the People?

Charkha: Welcome friends. As you must remember last week we had to cut short our propagandram because of technical difficulties. We have replaced the defective equipment, so tonight we have with us Bubbly Duhling’s, umm… how to explain… we have with us Bubbly’s brister – Babely Duhling! You were telling us last week why would you like to vote for the Con’s Dress.

Babely: Of course, I will vote for the Con’s Dress Party! That’s what I had rehea…

Charkha: Take this mouth gag! Huh! Okay, now take a deeeeep breath. Now are you feeling alright? Don’t you remember, Con’s Dress Party is the one which had clinched us freedom from the Britishers, is pro-poor, pro-development, pro-friendship, pro-stitu… I mean, secular?

Babely: Of course, of course! I will vote for the Con’s Dress Party because I just looooooove Rahowl! He’s cho chweet, he’s cho cuuutee! He’s the man, you see. I juss feel like smearing his bare chest with my li…

Charkha: Uh, oh! We understand your sentiments. I guess, Rahowl is a portmanteau of either Ra+howl or Rah+owl. But isn’t “Rahowl” a strange way to pronounce the name of our future Prime Emperor, Rahullu?

Babely: Whatevah! Emperor or not, he’s the Quing of my heart! Don’t you know how like a true tiger from among the cubs of the soil he had entered the Tyrannosaurus’ (click) den and withdrawn money? How like a true tiger he had walked bare-footedpawed and made a grown up Baagh to carry his footpaw wear? More Pawarpower to him!

Charkha: I’m not sure if his party would want any more pawar, but what I am sure is, by now not just the intelligent among We, the people, but even those utterly dumb must have understood that they must vote for the Con’s Dress. We have left little time on our hands, and let me make one final attempt to see if Mr. SingeJoy speaks what we wanted him to speak. Mr. SingeJoy, what do you say about the recognition bestowed upon Shy Sena of “Paper tigers”?

SingeJoy: Our party has never felt more delighted than when the media understood the true motto of our party and started calling us by pay per tiger! You see, each and ever member of our party is a tiger. And we don’t do our job for free. Each tiger comes for a price. Now that only 1411 are left, and moreover, with rising kerosene prices, it has become difficult to indulge in arson. Plus, our party apart from being saffron also takes on shades of green.

Charkha: What! Is this history in making, again? Shy Sena and green?

SingeJoy: No, you’re misunderstanding. I meant, Mother Nature’s green. Just like how paper bags are eco-friendly, so are paper tigers! Anyway, as I was telling you with ever-rising inflation rates, it is no longer possible for us to take bulk orders. We now have a strict policy of pay-per-tiger in place! If you want to market any movie, or any event, you know who to approach… [wink, wink].

Charkha: Not here before the camera, Mr. SingeJoy! Before we wrap up, I would like to take the views of Mr. Rage from Bombay, oops, Mumbai. Mr. Rage, welcome to the show! Could you please advise our viewers on why they should vote for the Con’s Dress Party?

Rage: Why do you people always quote us incompletely? We do talk about sons of the soil, but that is because Mumbai’s infrastructure is severely strained, and any further influx of immigrants cannot be sustained. If the governments of north Indian states would support adequate urbanization, this problem can be solved sensibly…

Charkha: [God, why's he sounding so sensible all of a sudden! This is not good for our TRPs. The sound editor must've slept off; the bugger didn't delete the inappropriate words!] We’re extremely sorry, friends. We’ve lost our link with Mr. Rage. But as you could hear, Mr. Rage was telling emphatically that Mumbai was gifted to him on his b’day by his dad, and that they will allow only tiger cubs to play in their nursery.

Well, this brings us to the end of our show. As must be amply clear to you all, we had reached a consensus here for the first time, that We, the people must vote for the Con’s Dress Party. See, you next week; same time, same channel. B’bye.

Charkha (click) was the brain (legitimate) child of Mahatma Gandhi (click) and The Quirky Indian (click).

—–
2.

In an occurrence more than a year old, which had got nothing to do with any of the characters described above, the Padma Shri (click) award winner, journalist, Barkha Dutt (click) had threatened a blogger with a law suit (click), for largely writing the truth. Needless to say, this is not becoming of someone who is supposedly very bothered of freedom of speech, for instance, of Maqbool Fida Hussain (click).

—–
3.

Again, totally unrelated to anything described in the first part, two days back I was watching NDTV 24×7 (click), and I was appalled by the sequence of news flash in their headlines. Here is the sequence that I vaguely remember:

1. M. F. Hussain says, he loves India, but India does not love him.
Immediate consequence: Hardly any.
Remotest possible consequence: Might set a tone for how much freedom could artists enjoy in the future.

2. A fighter jet crashes in Hyderabad, killing two pilots.
Immediate consequence: Two pilots died. A few onlookers killed.
Remotest possible consequence: Might serve as an indicator of the security that the Indian Navy is capable of providing to our country.

3. Government firm on Oil price.
Immediate consequence: Every single Indian would have to buy every single thing at a higher price.
Remotest possible consequence: More farmer suicides. Civil unrest.

4. Hollbroke says, blasts in Kabul not specifically targeting Indians.
Immediate consequence: Taliban would be taken less seriously by the US.
Remotest possible consequence: More Indians might die in Afghanistan as a part of India’s attempts at continued presence there. Continuity of oil supply from Iran might be affected furthering India’s oil shortage related problems. Taliban would gain stronger foothold and launch offensives against India.

5. “Dipak” – Maoist chief’s Kishenji’s right hand man arrested. Kishenji requests his release.
Immediate consequence: Might result in kidnappings/threats of violence by Maoists to coerce the government into releasing Dipak.
Remotest possible consequence: Might serve as a precedent as to whether the state machinery can tackle high pressure situations and escape out of arm-twisting tactics of Maoists and Naxals without loss of civilian lives, or will our republic just go even more “bananas”.

Related posts:

1. Media Campaign for My Name is Khan: Free Speech or Free Market? (click)

2. The Hindu: Advertising, Bollywood, Corporate power (click) by P. Sainath (click).

Time-warped Timeless Bollywood Lines!

I had originally posted the following as a comment elsewhere:

—–
1.

“Yeh duniya, yeh mehfil tere kaam ki nahin” … [dhishkaaon]

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2.

“Tere liye bandook nahin, mere haath hi kaafi hain, machhar”! [dhishum] oops… [fataaak] – splattered erstwhile human, but now mosquito blood on the wall.

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3.

“Main is baar tumhaare bachche ki maan banane waali hoon; dobara mat puchhana ki mera number kab aayega.”

—–
4.

“I love you, Anita. I love you, too, Sunita. Pyaar baantane se badhataa hai.“

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5.

“Yeh sab uparwaale ki daen hai; haan, par kuchh-kuchh bachche baajuwaale ki bhi daen hain.”

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6.

Tortured lady: “Tumhare saamane haath jodakar main dayaa ki bheekh maangati hoon”

Confused tyrant: “Dayaa ki kyon, khud ki bheekh maango na!”

—–
7.

Sister: “Bhaiyya mere, raakhi ke bandhan ko nibhaaaaanaa!”

Brother: “Jaa, tu bhi kya yaad rakhegi, tu Rahul ke bandhan ko nibhaa”

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8.

NRI MIL: “(1)Janamjali, kalmuhi, (2)kulta, (2)kulakshani. Teri maan ne tere paida hote hi tera galaa kyon nahin ghot diya!”

DIL (in American accent): “Yo, mom! You rock! Thanks for calling me sweet as (1)jam-n-jelly and (2)kewl!”

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9.

Doctor upon merely examining patient’s pulse: “Badhaai ho Mrs. Sharma, aapki bahu maan banane waali hai.”

Mrs. Sharma: “Sirf isake baal lambe (click) hain toh kya huaa? Yeh meri bahu nahin, mera betaa hai!”

—–
10.

Excavator: “Anarth ho gaya!”

Archeologist: “Is mein nayee baat kya hai, tumhaaraa kaam hi toh hai unearth karanaa.”

—–
11.

Jiska is duniya mein koi nahin hota, usakaa facebook hota hai.

—–
12.

Demon: “Is ghalati ki sazaa moth hai, moth”

“Thank you!” – Starved lizard.

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13.

Bindass girl: “Tere ghar mein maan-behen nahin hai kya?”

Stupid boy: “Hain par, aap jitani khubsoorat nahin hain”

Bindass girl: “Toh yeh le fair-n-lovely; goraa-pun laaye sirf do dinon mein.”

—–
14.

Senti mom: “Tumhein maine apna pet kaat-kaat kar badaa kiya hai”

Even more senti son: “Boohoo! Aapne apne Tommy oops… Tummy ko kaat diya?”

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15.

Freshly disturbed ‘abalaa naari’: “Yeh sunane se pehale main andhee kyon nahin ho gayee. Yeh dekhane se pehale mere kaan phat kyon nahin gaye! Hey Dharti maan, mujhe apni god mein samaa lo!”

Dharti maan (in a mechanical voice): “Aap qataar mein khadi hain!”

—–

Now, don’t ask me which movies these lines are from! Suffice to say that, that these lines were ever spoken proves the concept of parallel universes, some of which you do not have VIP-passes for!

The Monkey who sold his Fur, and became an entrepreneur <— [rhyme alert]!

I stumbled upon a very detailed transcript of interview of Madhu Koda (click), the just 38 year-old, multi-millionaire entrepreneur, who has added unheard of dimensions to the art of portfolio management.

Those of you (unlike me), who have had some experience at wealth-generation, would know that one needs to first have a sufficiently bulky portfolio to have it managed through innovative techniques!

But do not worry, as you get to learn from the man himself who had begun from a financial scratch, and worked himself up to a position, from where he can afford to scratch out his financial itch as and when he wants. Be mesmerized as he discusses his successful business strategies, and future plans for his 10 year-old business venture standing firmly at Rs. 4000 crore, and not at all staggering.

Since risk incurred is always proportionate to market premium, no doubt, some of you must have experienced trepidation at investing your vital noncapital assets, e.g., time expended in early days of your startup (poetically also known as ‘youthful days’) in risk-fraught activities. But again, Mr. Koda comes to your rescue, as he teaches a few of his imminently successful risk mitigation techniques.

Needless to say, such an inspiring and helpful manual to individual wealth-generation cannot be made available to the general public.

It is at a very *secret* place on the World Wide Web.

Basically, here (click).

As the profits would be sourced in actual market events (which Mr. Koda enthusiastically explains), rather than mere speculations of future money flow, the TV interview had been aptly named as

Non Derivatives Trade Ventures’ Profit

As you would learn from the interview transcript, democracy and greater autonomy in portfolio mismanagement of nation’s GDP by entrepreneurs like Mr. Koda need to be promoted in a big way, if you are to employ same techniques as him and derive benefit from them, you have to promote democracy.

In my previous post, I had proposed a novel technique to do so. But if you find it tedious, you could simply take a look at the top of this page’s left sidebar.

Hope, you will not disappoint the well wisher in yours truly.