I suspect many people who know me must be sure that I am incapable of worshiping. That my arrogance must come in way of entirely submitting myself to some entity. The moment I think of this possibility, the knee-jerk reaction of my mind (knee as the seat of intelligence, anyone?) is to dismiss the suspicion as half-knowledge of how I view the world.
But when I reflected a bit deeper at the idea, it seems plausible. Yes, I am incapable of considering someone so great that I entirely subordinate my existence to someone else’s. I can respect people, admire them, but worshiping a person would entail declaring nothing else could ever be better in any way. And most important, I cannot worship an idea or a hypothesis. It would have to be someone I could touch, I could talk to, I could question, and yet get answers from.
When I tried to imagine what would be that person I could be capable of worshiping like, I was shocked, I could actually think of…qualities that she would possess, but not a person possessing those qualities. A person perfect in all respects I could think of, and would have to be better than me in all…so much better that I could never imagine to equal her. Infinitely intelligent, infinitely patient, infinitely just…not procrastinating in matters of justice, infinitely knowledgeable, infinitely persevering, infinitely meticulous, infinitely moral, vulnerable yet infinitely strong, infinite…and yet a whole, a mortal, someone with a defined origin and a fixed end. I could indeed worship such a person. And, I know I would worship this person with all I have. That would be my divine.
But till such time comes, I will rejoice in my arrogance of having no deity to bow before. To have an existence supplanted by no one else’s.
I will wait…